OverMaster Adapts Every Work Of Fiction Ever
by OverMaster
Summary: WARNING: The title might be slightly exaggerated and misleading.
1. Mahou Sensei Negima! Zero

You should know it well by now, shouldn't you? These characters, franchises and situations all belong to their original creators or the nice gentlemen with powerful lawyers who stole the moneymakers away from them creators. I am none of those, which is a shame because I'd really like having a team of evil lawyers to do my will.

These characters, franchises, scenarios and settings don't have anything to do with those from real life either, and if they do it's either legally covered parody or coincidence.

Warning: Several chapters of this thing might and probably will be for adults only. You were warned.

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><p><strong>OverMaster Adapts Every Work Of Fiction Ever<strong>.

**(This Title Might Be Slightly Exaggerated and Misleading)**.

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><p><strong>OverMaster Adapts Mahou Sensei Negima! Volume Zero<strong>.

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><p>"Welcome!" the white haired dark skinned giant in a nice evening suit greeted. "I'm your host tonight, Jack Rakan!"<p>

"Chamo here!" said the white ermine.

"My name's Sayo!" added the tiny white haired cute doll with the ghost inside.

"And I'm Assistant Chiu-chi!" smiled the light brown haired, adorable vision of lovely perfection in a classy and light white dress this author has absolutely no favoritist hots for.

_What the hell am I doing here?!_ she thought then, rattled by the abrupt start she had just been bizarrely pulled into.

**"Tch!"** Even Rakan's mere tongue snaps were larger-than-life thundering. "I see you there, Glasses! That's your 'What the hell am I doing here?!' face!"

"This is not my-"

"To answer your question," he steamrolled her objection, "this is a bonus, shorter, easier-and-faster-to-write intro chapter for this idiotically ambitious, harebrained writing delirium to redo as many fictional works as OM-kun (that's the guy over there tapping on the computer keyboard!) can pull off! I figure he figured, 'Instead of writing all those stupid oneshots and adaptations at left and right, I might as well gather them all under a single umbrella and pretend they take place in a shared universe!"

"Well," Hasegawa Chisame huffed, a fist cocked on a hip, "that makes some sense, I guess. Having all the trash gathered at a single spot, and all that..."

"That's right!" Rakan said. "And to start, he chose a series he was well used to write for! Actual quality of his production aside! So get ready for anything, kids, because from here on, anything can happen! Anything he has ever seen, read or watched, he can twist it to his own warped views!"

"In other words, yet more lemons?" Chisame tiredly snarked.

Rakan shrugged. "Might be."

"Uwaaaa!" Aisaka Sayo wailed. "That's bad! He's never written a lemon scene using me!"

"... come to think about it, he hasn't, has he?" Albert 'Chamo' Chamomile wondered aloud. "I mean, he even skipped over your scenes while writing his own version of what was happening in _Stud Monkey_..."

Sayo hid her face in her tiny hands and sobbed. "I don't want to do it, noooooooo!"

"Come on, how many things that have you engaging in sex could he adapt?" asked Chisame. "I mean, there's Stud Monkey, which he's already doing elsewhere; and there's Miscalculation, but that'd be kinda wandering into dangerous ground, right? You don't even have scenes in the Ura Jamma series, or in Gambler Club's stuff... You have it easy compared to me, you know? I even have Negimarus to look out for!"

Sayo stopped to think about it for several more moments, then broke into lamentations again. "I'M NOT SEXY ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO CARE ABOUT ME...!"

"Hey, hey, two of the new boss' biggest influences on Negima Fanfic Writing don't count as anyone now? Show some respect, Casper nee-chan!" Chamo chided.

"The new boss? Really, weasel?" Chisame grunted.

"Hey, the old boss kicked us like a bad habit to write Touta," the ermine countered.

Chisame sighed and waved a hand for the audience. "And when the author tracts start AGAIN, you know it's time to move on..."

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><p>"Okay, let's get to our first question..." Rakan said, pulling up an envelope from a rather meager pile of them.<p>

"Wait, wait a sec there," Saotome Haruna walked in, and closer to them. "Are we just gonna retread the same stupid questions that really didn't answer any of the important lingering questions the manga left?"

"What have I just said about the author tracts...?" Chisame rasped.

"It's not a matter of author tracts!" Haruna protested. "With retellings of actual stories, you can pull off interesting new twists, but with this... are we really going to show the same crap about Negi thinking only of men, or about Yue pulling on tails? Where's the interest on that?"

Chisame's eyebrow twitched. "You might have a point there, but even if you say so..."

Rakan rasped louder and read aloud, "Is this shit going to be in the same style of Merged Mahora confusing bullcrap OM has been harping on ever since the original Unequally Rational and Emotional? If so, what's Haruna's relation to the Nerima Saotomes this time?"

"Oh, that. Now that's a semi-good question, I guess," Haruna hummed, a hand on her mouth. "You see, the thing where Ranma-kun was my dad was fine for a while, but ultimately kinda killed a lot of the things you could do with the current day Negima and Ranma settings pulled together, so... over the last while, OM's preferred playing me as Ranma-kun's dear Imouto, daughter of Nodoka-mama and Genma-papa. My mama didn't have a lot of time to look after me while searching for my father and brother, so she dropped me at Mahora! Although we don't have a lot of money, it was okay, because the Headmaster and my family go from long ago!"

"Isn't that called corruption?" wondered Sayo.

"So now you see, dear readers," Chisame said, "if you ever happen to have children, which I'm sure you will, because most Internet fans aren't hopeless virgins who masturbate to cute cosplayers, remember, always keep a close eye on them and don't drop them to their own devices in private schools, or they might end up like Paru here."

"HEEEYYYY!"

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><p>"As for our next question..." Rakan pulled out another envelope, "in the original bonus manga, you showed what happened when you pulled on Collet and Emily's tails, but you never actually showed what'd happen if you tugged on their ears, so what-"<p>

Chisame snatched the letter down from his hands, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it aside. "Next," she plainly said.

"Thank you!" Collet Farandole's voice said from off-stage.

Rakan pouted. It wasn't a pretty sight at all. "It'd have been kinky..."

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><p>Chamo read the next question. "Why doesn't OM like writing Kotaro and Natsumi?"<p>

"Yeah, that's right! Why doesn't he?" asked the short and freckled Murakami Natsumi, walking onstage as well. "He even skipped all over our lemon scene in Stud Monkey, and he's always pairing me up with Negi-kun! Why am I his replacement Nodoka?"

"Because he likes you better than Honya-chan, but he thinks your dynamics with Kotaro-kun force you into a tired average Tsundere role, maybe?" Rakan supposed, squinting to look at a cue card from off camera, and then actually reaching over to grab it and pull it close to his face. "Ah, yeah, I got it right."

"What's wrong with my Bro?" Chamo asked. "What's Dogboy have than he doesn't, and then some?"

Chisame crossed her arms and sighed. "This is where a few hurt Kotaro fans start imply we have something against him..."

"Which isn't true! OM-sama actually likes Kotaro a lot, he just doesn't like him and Theatre Girl here as a couple!" Rakan added, continuing reading from the cue card. "Sheesh, 'OM-sama'? For real?!"

"Theatre Girl?!" Natsumi cried.

"Hey, it's a cute nickname!" Sayo opined. "Far better than 'Casper-chan', anyway...!"

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><p>"Hey, it's a repeat here," Rakan snorted, reading the next letter. "They're asking about Mana-chan's past again. Well, since I'm better qualified to speak on the subject than anyone else..."<p>

Chisame, Chamo, Haruna, Natsumi and Sayo all curiously looked at him, expecting to see in any moment a red dot on his forehead, and then a shot going through his head.

However...

"Nothing. **Nothing happened**," Roronoa Zoro commented, casually walking past by.

"Huh. Well, that was unexpected. And I don't mean the One Piece cameo," Rakan said. "If anything, we'd spent too long without a gratuitous crossover..."

Now standing behind him, the exotic Tatsumiya Mana dryly said, "There's no need for it anymore. Negima is dead, it will never return, and sadly, it has taken me that to realize it was a sad loss for my past to never stand revealed. Now, because of that lost chance, I stand on the edge of complete oblivion..."

"Hey, at least you have a chance of showing up in UQ Holder yet," Chamo told her.

"... and that's any better...?" asked Mana.

"... point."

Chisame rasped. "I have even more reasons to hate the outcome than you guys, but could we drop the author tracts already, please...?"

"So," Sayo said, "Rakan-san, are you really Tatsumiya-san's father, like in...?"

The huge man chuckled. "Well, actually, you'll see-!"

**BAM!**

Chisame stared at Mana. "Tatsumiya..."

She pocketed her handgun back. "I don't want to go **that** far into my past."

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><p>Insert random Konosetsu question here as they revive Rakan with the Dragon Balls, but the author isn't too much into Konosetsu either.<p>

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><p>"... at least not as bad of an idea as reviving Frieza, I guess?" Chisame sighed, exasperated.<p>

"When will we see a chapter on Hayate the Combat Butler?" Natsumi read the next question.

Rakan took another cue card, ignoring the muffled orders on the correct way to read them out. Holding the card before his face, he said, "I quote the man, 'Hayate is a series that isn't half as cute or funny as it thinks it is'."

"In other words, it's overrated as hell," Chisame nodded sagely.

"You think everything is overrated," Haruna said. "No wonder you're his favorite."

"We rank like third and sixth, I think, so I guess we aren't that badly placed either?" Natsumi asked, gesturing back and forth between Haruna and herself.

"What am I, like number eighteen?" Mana pondered. "Not that anyone really cares, me least of all..."

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><p>"Why doesn't OM-sama like Fate?" Sayo read the next question.<p>

"There with the 'sama' again," Haruna said. "He writes that stuff himself, doesn't he?"

"Well, duh," Chisame replied.

Rakan smiled. "Well, why would he like the little pale turd? He's the seen-before-to-death, fujoshi-bait, shallow beyond a few token traits to try and paint him as deep, overpowered, clichéd, by-the-numbers jerk who never really pays for his actions we've been shown millions of times before. He's also petty and creepily fixated, and if anything he only will grow far worse over time. He's still being his Oh-I'm-So-Mysterious-And-Cool self long after dozens of much better characters like Your Truly are most likely dead without ever showing the best of themselves, and-"

"While I'm glad you aren't reading the cue cards the wrong way again, and I don't necessarily disagree with that," Chisame cut in, "please, PLEASE no more author tracts, will you?"

"Actually, that's my personal take on it," Rakan said. "Oh, and Accelerator sucks too."

Chisame rubbed her head. "Great, now we'll get hate reviews from Index fans as well..."

"It'll still be a step up from the usual getting no reviews?" Sayo offered.

"Hey, what's with that derogative use of 'fujoshi'?!" Haruna complained. "And Accelerator-kun's a cutie with a lot of Character Development! Seriously, you biased guys!"

"That's a wrap then, at least for now," Mana blandly waved a hand for the audience. "Join us next time, when we'll hopefully have something better to offer..."

"I wouldn't bet too highly on, though," Chisame said.

"Damn right," Haruna nodded.

"DO YOU WANT TO SCARE EVERYONE AWAY?!" Chamo cried.

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><p>And no, after all he's worried and cared for and grown hugely concerned about his students, even if he isn't romantically attracted towards any of them (last minute unreveal asspull aside), it's not even funny as a joke saying Negi 'only thinks about men', either.<p>

"Damn right!" Haruna nodded.

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><p><strong>THE END<strong>.

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><p>"I'm telling you! We've started with the freaking wrong foot! This was nothing but a long, long string of Author Tracts!" Chisame protested.<p>

"Hello!" Kagurazaka Asuna happily walked in. "We're starting with Chapter Zero right now, aren't we...?"


	2. Unequally Rational and Emotional

Akamatsu and Kodansha own Negima. Others own other things. Whatever. Let's just move on already.

I'm poor, I make no money from this. You already know that too.

Alrighty then.

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><p><strong>OverMaster Adapts Every Work Of Fiction Ever<strong>.

**(This Title Might Be Slightly Exaggerated and Misleading)**.

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><p><strong>OverMaster Adapts Unequally Rational and Emotional's Prologue, with a Decadent Habits Twist<strong>.

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><p><em>One year ago, this happened:<em>

"Well, Hasegawa-san? Aren't you going to walk in? There's nothing inside that you should be wary of."

A bigger lie had never been told before.

But trusting the golden blond woman's voice, since it was charged with an unmistakable sense of authority like that of a general, the young Chisame had no choice but nodding and walking in as told. Only to stop immediately and yelp in horror at the sight of the scene waiting for her inside.

There was a naked mannequin of sorts over the room's main table, lying on its back with its vacant green eyes fixed on the roof above. The weird thing was the mannequin blinked at random intervals, and its chest rose up and then came down in a blasphemous imitation of human breathing, and its hands wiggled their long thin fingers as the girl looming over the doll's body worked on its mechanical entrails, her face covered by a wielding mask that barely allowed to see her black pigtails poking out of the back of her head.

"Sp-Springfield-sensei!" Chisame screeched, rushing back to clash against the taller female's stomach. "What's that girl doing there?"

"Oh, for the love of all that is-" the woman looked in, scowling as she contemplated the delirious situation for a moment before calling out, "Hakase-san!"

"What?" a muffled question came from inside the mask. The masked girl's thin frame, hunchbacked over her awfully messy work, covered all over by large and smelly spots of grease, oil, and some substance eerily similar to thick, crimson blood, didn't move away from her labor at all.

"Hakase Satomi-san!" Arika Springfield walked in, past Chisame, directly facing the room's prior inhabitant. "This is a serious violation of the terms of your stay here. Cease these experimentations immediately, or you will be reported."

Finally, that had made her to turn her welder off and lift the mask off her cute, bespectacled, dirty face. She gave the mature female a somewhat wounded look.

"B-But I'm almost reaching my deadline, and the labs are still undergoing repairs! If I want to finish before—"

"We don't want to hear any excuses," Arika said, stern and far colder than she had been while politely showing Chisame the Mahora campus. "That behavior won't be tolerated anymore now you have a roommate."

"I'm not going to be her roommate!" Chisame had quickly protested.

"Hasegawa-san, please," the blonde had reassumed a more gentle tone as she calmly ushered her forward, towards the other girl and the robot thing. "My point still stands, as you have no reason to fear being here. This young lady, despite her... quirks, is just your age, and I trust she will have as much to teach you as you will teach her. Meet Hakase Satomi, your roommate and classmate for the duration of this term, and possibly the rest of your formation at Mahora as well."

Chisame cringed while looking at the freak's face. And the freak looked back, with large and curious black eyes, full with an eccentric spark not too unlike that of a drunken monkey. Eyes that were pretty much the only clean thing in that face splattered all over with ill smelling chemical leftovers.

The freak was the one to break the awkward silence with an unfazed, "When did you mention a roommate?"

"You were handed a report on the subject last week," Arika informed her.

"I don't remember that," the Hakase girl replied.

"As per the Headmaster's requests, I even left a reminder note pinned on your icebox," the blonde with the mismatched eyes added, her voice just slightly strained.

"You did?" the strange girl craned her neck back towards a door and into her kitchen. "Oh, it's true! Yes, I think I do remember now."

Chisame gave another imploring desperate stare up at the shapely and attractive female. Sadly, she seemed unmoved by her plight, despite her somewhat empathic glance and her sparse but sympathetic patting on the poor girl's right shoulder.

"She is a soul in need of friends here, just like you are," the Headmaster's assistant shared with her. "I'm positive you'll both find what you are looking for, even without realizing it, in each other."

The mannequin chose that moment to creepily rotate her eyes towards Chisame, scaring her even more.

"Eeek!"

Arika's hold on Chisame's shoulder became strong as steel in that exact moment, to better prevent her from running away. "My apologies. It would seem I have forgotten to also mention Karakuri Chachamaru-san, another of your future condisciples in Class 1-A."

"What? She's the anatomic display for the class, you mean!" the brown haired girl quickly corrected her.

"Pleased to meet you, Hasegawa-san," the thing spoke with a soft, polite, but perfectly inhuman and sterile voice. "I will be glad to help you with anything I can."

Then it reached up with a hand, grabbing one of Chisame's to give it a gentle and feminine shake.

"Kyaaaa!" Chisame screeched, scared out of her wits. It was so cold! Like a corpse's!

She let the heavy handbags she was carrying to fall down and still attempted to escape, only to immediately stumble into the conveniently placed and firmly planted shapely body of Springfield-sensei. "Please, you can't do this! You have to reassign me!" she begged.

"Please do keep your wits about yourself, Hasegawa-san," the foreigner instructed, voice still just as professional and even. "There is no need to fear from Karakuri-san either, and in any event, she will be sleeping in Hakase-san's workshop as soon as it is repaired."

"Actually, I haven't programmed her to follow sleep patterns yet," the dirty weirdo piped in. "I don't think I will, actually. Too bothersome, and there are more efficient ways to recharge energy. Oh, sorry. My manners."

She walked briskly to Chisame and quickly took her hands into a much firmer, almost tomboyish, rather clumsy handshake. "Excuse my forgetting you! I have been in an absorbing nonstop finishing procedure for Chachamaru for the last few weeks, and I haven't had the time for much else, I'm afraid. Want to watch?" she offered.

"Hakase-san, I am positive I have just told you to stop those procedures in your roommate's presence," Arika repeated herself, the strain growing tenser.

"Oh, yes. That..." Hakase sighed, disappointed.

Chisame made a face, looking down at the prone object they seemed to be trying to pass as some sort of human being. "What... what is this... Why are you..."

"I am an artificial intelligence developed under commission of the Mahora Robotics Club," the mannequin informed flatly. "I am going to enlist in this year's first grade class A as a test of my capacities regarding interaction with Japanese modern society. As such, I eagerly look forward my continuing intermingling with your gracious person, Hasegawa-san."

"S-Stop that!" Chisame gasped. "The fact you're being so polite just makes you scarier!"

"Um, maybe I should readjust her speech patterns. Less flowery, more concise and to the point, okay? Okay. I got it," the Dr. Frankenstein wannabe absently stated while wiping her hands clean with a towel that had been lying on a nearby chair. She then handed it over to Chisame, who only then noticed her own hands were just as dirty after the mad scientist's handshake. With a disgusted grimace, she was fast to wipe them as clean as she could.

The whole living room was an absolute mess, as a matter of fact, and she was sure the rest of the dorm would be even worse. Would she have to clean all of that up? She couldn't set a webcamera and allow her just started community of fans to watch... THAT!... around herself. Her wonderful web project would die on its crib!

But of course, the girl with the messy pigtails who was looking at her face couldn't care any less about any of that, could she? She was just there, smiling as a dumb frat boy who had just farted.

Finally, Chisame dared to make the question she had been dreading for the last few minutes.

"Umm... where is the bathroom, please?"

"Well, heh heh," Hakase Satomi scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. "I don't think you should walk in there just yet. You'll see, I was testing Chachamaru's water endurance there a few hours ago, and—"

Chisame bit her lower lip, whimpering under her breath.

That would be a hideously long school year.

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><p><strong>To be Continued? <strong>**Why is Arika free and taking Shizuna's traditional role long before Negi even arrives to Mahora? And where is Nagi in this continuity anyway? What will happen once Negi arrives? I know the answers, but is anyone even interested at all on another URAE Alternate Universe take to answer these questions? No? I thought so.**


End file.
